The Exit Exam
Fall 2004 AnchorSet, 2-3-2 Essay
Topic:
A type of dishonesty that is condoned by society
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In many cultures, women always serve their husbands. They always stay at home, take care of the family, and accept any kind of dishonesty from the men's side. The most common type of dishonesty is infidelity. Now matter what country, race or religion people are infidelity is still condone in society. Generally women are the victims when infidelity is present. They are not strong to leave the man who cheated on them. Many still believe men should be the provider, and many are afraid that if they get divorced they will never find a good men.
When someone is unfaithful with the person that is married to that means there is no respect left, for that reason I want to encourage women who have been victims of infidelity to be strong, leave the men they are married to, and get an education if they don't have one. My family has gone through this process of infidelity. My Dad Cheated on my mom for four years and she is still with him. No one shoul ever do what my mom did. She has always been afraid to leave him, and the reason for that is because she does not have a college education. Economically she depends on him. Women should learn to be independent, that way infidelity won't stop but they will no longer have to live it again.
Usually men are the providers of the house, and that make them the "Boss". At least that is what many women still believe. Because many women feel this way, They have no authority, and let their husbands do whatever they want. Eventhoug when they know of their husband's infidelity, no action are taken, because they feel they owe Some much to him. As i mentioned earlier a good what to avoid infidelity is be getting an education or at least to be economically independent. We should take our of our minds that men can only be the provider. A good example are the celebrities. Why are there many divorces? is because if men is caught cheating, Their wifes will not accept it. Famous women have enough money to live by themselves, and have confidence that they can Find a men that loves, cares and repects them as they are. If my mom were interested in also being the provider of the house, and not just follow rules, she would not have condened infidelity now.
The times that I have established a conversation with my mother about what happen to her, and the actions she has made. All I can hear is that she is affraid. She is affraid to spend the rest of her life alone. I rather be alone than to spend the rest of my life with Someone who does not respect me. People have to learn that a good company is essential to a good life. No body should ever condened infidelity just for the feat of being alone. To let someone to be unfaithful to use will be like us doing it to ourselfs. There will always be a good men for every women. There are few that is why we have to be so careful about them.
Infidelity is very common. It happens almost in every family, by accepting this kind of dishonesty, people are disrespecting themselves. True love is based on love, loyalty, but most important on respect. loyal people are worthy, and it is sad to think about how few people are left with those characteristic. When infidelity is present it not only affects the two partners, but also the entire family. I base on experiences can say that if affect the children in a very harmful way. it gives them insecurity in relationships like it has done with me. No body should ever condone infidelity because there are a million problems behind that.
Comments:
[Grade 2-3-2 Fail (639w) This essay's greatest strength is its honesty: the writer has experienced this and has strong feelings about it. Unfortunately, feeling too strongly about a topic can often lead a writer to feel overconfident and write more from the heart than from the head.
This essay suffers from that fate. The paragraphs are not as focused as they could be, and they often include several topics (for example: the problem of infidelity, the writer's own experiences as examples, and the need for education). In a stronger essay, those three aspects could be more focused individual paragraphs. Here, the three appear in a couple paragraphs. Another example of this is the suggestion that is offered in the second sentence in paragraph two. It would be better placed in the conclusion.
Subject - Verb agreement is also a problem in this essay. For example, the second sentence in paragraph four: "with my mother about what happen[ed] to her." Verb endings and spelling errors are fairly consistent, particularly the problem of singular and plurals with "man/men" and "woman/women." These words are used frequently in the essay, and so become keywords. Always check spelling of keywords in an essay!
Due to the organizational weakness and the numerous verb and spelling errors, this essay was a marginal fail.]