A habit that can be helpful or harmful - - Exam Prompt

“Think before you drink”

As a bartender for six years, I have witnessed first-hand the harmful effects of consuming alcohol. Many people chose to drink to relieve stress or to forget about problems they may have. This socially accepted habit can place the drinker as well as an innocent person in harms way. Consuming alcohol not only distorts a person’s personality and how others view them, it can be the leading contributor of serious health-related illnesses, expensive DUI arrests, and worst of all, taking another person’s live in an accident.

Many people believe alcohol doesn’t alter their personality. They simply see themselves as more outgoing or emotional. The truth is alcohol corrupts a person’s personality and usually brings out their worst. The saddest event I have witnessed of this is the destruction of a family and a man’s life. A regular, who came in almost everyday, had the perfect wife, two kids, and a successful position with Merrill Lynch. After a few drinks, he would begin to flirt with the ladies in the bar. After a few more drinks, he would leave with one of them. He told me once that he loved his wife and children, but he couldn’t stop drinking. Alcohol altered his personality, and it created a monster without morals.

As a society, we have been warned of the serious health risks associated with drinking, yet many chose to ignore them. I’ve made a few hospital visits to see friends suffering from alcohol-related illnesses. The liver is most often the target of these illnesses. After years of drinking, the liver will cease to work. The people I visited were in constant pain, and yet I couldn’t feel sorry for them. The harmful habit they refused to kick was to blame. These individuals had literally drank themselves to death. They chose their destiny.

Many choose to leave the bar and drive. They may think they’re okay to drive, but even one drink alters the ability to drive. Police officers wait outside bars hoping to catch the one drunk who isn’t alright to drive. I once was pulled over and had to take a sobriety test. Thankfully I was sober and got to go home. Others are not so lucky. Being arrested for DUI can consist of a night or two in jail, having the car impounded, and approximately three to five thousand dollars in fines and attorney fees. Is it worth it?

If by chance a drink driver avoids getting pulled over and arrested, he still might not make it home. Everyone had heard the awful stories of how an innocent person lost their life to a drunk driver. The driver’s blood alcohol level was .09, and he was completely uncapable of driving. In a split second, he took a beautiful person form this earth. He is now serving fifteen years in jail for involuntary manslaughter. Alcohol not only took my friend form this earth, it took that man’s life.

Drinking may be fun in the process, but the harmful effects are just not worth it. Not everyone has witnessed what I have, but they’ve heard the stories. Yet, many choose not to listen. I wish I could ask the drunk in my bar who he was before he became an alcoholic, or who he’ll be when he’s arrested for DUI, or what he’ll feel when he’s driving home and doesn’t see the car turning in front of him and takes their lives. He wouldn’t listen or answer if I asked. I’ll probably be visiting him in the hospital soon.

This is an example of a "6" essay.

The introduction comes in at 86w. Notice how the writer gains authority by stating the bartender experience. The final sentence is the thesis, & it states the main topics to be discussed

The body paragraphs run 123w, 92w, 99w, and 88w respectively.

Notice how the writer refers to personal experiences, beginning with the man in paragraph 2. Specific details include " two kids," "Merril Lynch."

Though there is a sense that the writer has an emotional attachment to the topic, that is not revealed until paragraph 4. This creates the climatic structure.

Mechanically and grammatically, the essay is not perfect, but the sentences vary in length and short sentences are used to emphasize and highlight. "Monster without morals" in paragraph 2 rhymes beginning "m" sounds (alliteration). This reveals knowledge of the artistic use of language.

The conclusion echoes the beginning of the essay by mentioning the man again & hints at the structure of the body paragraphs. It runs 100w.